There has been a lot that has happened this year. My husband finished his military training, I graduated college, and now we are currently 4 months into my pregnancy. With all the excitement beginning to fade, the reality of being an army wife has definitely begun to set it. I feel like nothing has prepared me for the new lifestyle I would adopt.
We got stationed in Japan. At first moving here was completely exciting, and I was ready to go. However, after living here for one month now I am completely overwhelmed. Getting a job here is borderline impossible. I can’t go out in the city and apply because not only do I not know the main language, I also do not know my way around. Getting a job on base is not any easier because all of the jobs are already taken and the ones that are open requires documentation, certification, experience, or a certain degree in that area. In addition to that, I do not think anyone would hire me because I’m pregnant anyway. No one would want an employee who is going to take leave in a few months.
Besides the difficulty of finding employment, I am so homesick. I just simply cannot adjust to this new culture. I miss my family, friends, puppy, everything! I realize when I was at home, I took it for granted. I had such a good job that payed extremely well! There aren’t any online graduate schools I can do because they are accredited in my field (psychology). So I have to put my doctorate degree on hold, as well, unfortunately. It’s just so much that I did not realize that I would have to sacrifice. I wish I would have known at least some of this before hand, but I never ever thought we would be stationed overseas… let alone in Japan.
With me being so young, there is literally no one that I can get close to because they all are much older, too busy doing their military duties, or they aren’t the type of people I would hang with. The more I think about everything, the more and more I become stressed, unhappy and upset. I’m tired of crying. I have never felt more alone in my life. I really do want to give this place a shot and stay at my husband’s side, but I think if things don’t turn around for me within 1 year, I will consider just returning back to the United States and try to carry a long distance relationship.
Lately, I’ve been really emotional and almost resentful towards my husband. We have been married for almost one year now, but before we got married and were just dating, I found out he had been cheating on me on different occasions. Obviously a lot of trust issues evolved from that, but after being broke up for a couple months, I finally gave him another chance and surprisingly he did a complete 180, I feel in love all over again and we ended up getting married. The problem is we can be fine for a while but something will trigger those flashbacks and no matter how hard I try to forget about it, I just can’t let it go. Just a couple days ago I seen a girl that he cheated on me with and my anger and hurt had immediately returned even though it’s been over a year. I’ve been thinking about it non-stop ever since I seen her and I know for a fact that I’ll never be able to trust him 100%, but I just don’t know if I’ll ever be able to move past it. Is it even possible?
So my degree is in Psychology. I now have obtained an obsession with philosophy. I keep asking myself why am I interested in these studies. The only thing I can come up with is “I just want to understand the world and the people in it”.
While I’m sure this subject has been broached many times, I have currently been taking notes of some recent questions/thoughts/ignorance that I’ve been approached with.
1. “Has he killed anyone?” Seriously? Yes, I’ve been asked this and I just walked away. Why? For a variety of reasons, but 1) it’s none of your business if he has or hasn’t and 2) I don’t even know because I don’t ask him myself. Furthermore, if you have nothing better to ask after finding out that my husband is in the military: please do not talk to me. Thanks.
2. Please do not share your opinion about the war, whether for it or against it. We don’t care about your opinion. It changes nothing for us–even if we agreed with your antiwar rants, political agendas, and redneck “nuke ’em all theology”, it still changes NOTHING for us. And seeing as to how we…
I absolutely love to learn about anything and everything. However, when it comes to religion there is a limit. I believe however I am not one to go to church or sit there and preach to the next person.
I will always attempt to understand the history, traditions, your religious texts.. and completely respect you for it. However, do not push your religion on me!
I was going to class one day and one of those religious people with the little black books stopped me. Like usual, I try to give people an opportunity to express their thoughts. But then she had the nerve to ask me all these questions and tell me I was sinning and going to hell and in order to reach heaven I had to do all this unnecessary shit!
…..hold up….. who you talking to?
I tried to actually give you the time of day and thats how you come across? No. I dont want your little black book and im not going to your group sessions.
I feel people are just so disresprectful these days. What works for you, work for you. But do not come to me, invading my comfort zone, trying to “deliver a message” because you see that theres a better way to guarantee my spot in heaven.